i had this dream. that you & i took your youngest sister out. we were crossing the road & you walked over first, & while she was crossing a car sped & nearly hit her. i ran across & hugged her but the car had flung me to the pavement & there was blood trickling down my forehead. i think something happened to my ribs too. can’t remember.

so anyway i can’t remember what happened in between, but apparently i was at the hospital, & the doctor injected me with a med to soothe the trauma of a car accident. & to forget that i was in the car accident, all my memories with you were wiped out.

joanna went onto my fb & changed our relationship status. there were a few people involved in the dream. my girlfriends didn’t want me to remember you, the boys just didn’t mention you.

& apparently you were relieved that i was alive but you were devastated that i couldn’t remember you. & i became this whole new person who’s still pretty alright & not cynical or bitter about the world.  

then the funniest thing was, D (not his actual initial but let’s call him this) came into the picture. now in reality, D was a friend whom YOU introduced to me for some small favor i needed. im not close to D at all, tho we met a few times this year to chit chat & run some errands. but yea we aren’t close either way.

he started going after me. & we got together. & you became really pissed & oh mannn there was so much heartache in this dream.

D & i went on dates & everything was perfect. the furthest we went were kisses on the cheeks & forehead. funny how my dream doesn’t allow me to kiss anyone else but you eh.

anyway. we were the happiest pair on earth. you on the other hand, were incredibly upset. that i was out with another guy.

you talked to D & told him about how i’m UK bound, how long distance is gonna be pretty hard, how he’s not gonna be able to handle me, how you can handle all that,
& he refuted with “you had your chance & you let her go.”

oh yeah you punched him. D & i were lying on some thing on the beach & you walked over. i remember your exact words. you were like calling him a bastard & you asked him why he’s doing this to you. in front of me. you guys argued & you knelt on the floor and did everything till you stood up & punched him. which was when i walked away with him & left you there. i felt heartache throughout the dream though. 

D texted you that night (or you texted him can’t remember) but you guys apologized. though he went on to say that you had your chance & you blew it. & its time for you to let go cause im much happier with you.

oh right there was a scene when you confronted me & i told you its not fair to ditch D right now. & that i barely know you.

& oh D said smth like “do you expect her to break up with me &  be all heartbroken again?” something about if you want to see me happy or smth. like along the lines of its not fair for you to break us up & make me sad then swoop in & make me happy cause its an assumption that i’ll be happy again (with you). 

then can’t remember the middle. it was a bloody long dream. i remember it was the last week before i flew off. i told D that i loved him, but i had to spend time with you because you looked so crestfallen. i would look for you in the afternoon, & find him after every sunset. there was once you couldn’t let me go.

oh wait before all this. when i first lost my memory, you brought me to our usual spot & you held my hand & brought me to the staircase. i got so scared i was so skeptical but i could see the hurt in your eyes that i didn’t trust you.

you held me tight & you were like ‘this was what we used to do back then, just hide in this quiet corner & hold each other.’

i felt nothing… just.. surprised :/

gah so much in a dream. so yeah anyway the last week. D confronted you again & told you to let me go. that i’m with him now. oh not to mention me screaming at you one day cause i was so frustrated i told you to go find another girl. i said ’ you’re an amazing guy, just not the one for me. the girl you’re with would be the happiest girl on earth, she’s just not me. i have D.’ & true enough i said some of those words in real life to you before. 

can’t remember the rest…. but what a hell of a dream.  

sy i really need you. i know you’re at a concert now & having fun & im glad you’re happy but i really need you. im sick im cold im miserable. some girl whom i thought was sweet isn’t who she is. im really uncomfortable & ill & i really just want some of your care & concern please?