It’s still you. It’ll be you when you fracture your wrist at 4AM and call me when I have a presentation the next morning. It’ll be you when you ask to drive my new car and crash it into a telephone pole. It’ll be you if we hate each other for a day or a few. And if you break my favourite mug. And if you keep forgetting our anniversary and make it up to me by baking a salty cake. It’ll be you when your dad dies and you stop talking because you don’t know how. It’ll be you when you crawl softly into my open arms. It’ll be you when your mum calls me a “whore” and you jerk your chin and all you say is “no.” It’s you when you’re messy and ill and sweaty. You when you leave the house door unlocked. You when you burp drunkenly into my ear and curl into my side like a baby. It’ll be you when you burn breakfast in bed and then kiss me for five minutes straight. It’ll be you when your hair gets too long and you can’t be bothered to cut it. You when you fall asleep on the sofa with the cat on your chest. You when we fight and turn everything to rubble. You when you put your mouth to my ear and whisper “it’s you. It’s still you.”
Nonetheless, I still miss you. It isn’t that yearning, longing for your presence kind of missing anymore. It’s like a sigh that carries with it nostalgia & bittersweet memories, wishing that one day, in another life, we’d find each other again.
Had a nightmare about being unprepared for my social studies (sec 4) and my RS (a level) exam which were consecutive the next day…. Was probably cause I’ve been worrying too much about my exam results & I’ve been helping a friend w her SS in the last week.
Also, I can’t help but notice that God’s been working and planning my entire life. It was planned in such a way that I spent my most dreadful heart-wrenching nerve-wrecking years away from the place where I spent the most homely time with you; & now I begin to miss that place again for its convenience so I could see my loved ones more. Just when I thought to myself how wonderful it would be if Jo moved back, & when God knows I’m ready to face anything related t you now, there’s been a scheduled move at the end of July, to the same building, the same unit, but a different floor.
I just know, it’s not mere coincidence. If only I seemed God’s wisdom back then, I could have preserved a healthy, lifelong relationship. I would have been able to get over the trauma a bit better. It wouldn’t have taken a year.